my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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