So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
