We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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