whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
