Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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