Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
