You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
