Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
