I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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