I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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