I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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