Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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