Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
