meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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