it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
