Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
