it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
