I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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