Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I have aggressive nipples.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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