Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
