yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
