I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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