I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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