And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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