I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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