dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
