i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
