This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
