exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
