how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
