you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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