Just cropdusted the office
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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