Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
