Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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