Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
is wine microwaveable?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
