I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
