so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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