She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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