Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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