Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
