lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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