but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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