I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
