M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
