ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
