Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
