I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
