it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
