John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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