i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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