I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so let's talk penis.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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