A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
